The Memory Game (unfinished)
by bluecobaltalien
Summary: In Midgard, Loki has come to live a new life and his partner Sigyn has made him feel more redeemed than ever. Although, an unfortunate accident tests Sigyn's memory and Loki is afraid that she discovers the unpleasant truth again... [features some other Norse gods that hadn't been shown in Thor - AU ]


**_Prologue_**

 _'Happily ever after'_

Three beautiful words I love. Three words I know as well as me. Three words I still claim to have. I always wanted a happy ending. Ever since my mom started watching those films with me, I promised myself to find my true love. And I luckily did. It was just two years ago I met Him. The man of my life. The One. The kind of man no one but me seemed to love, but it didn't matter as long as he loved me too.

My life has never been that beautiful and sweet before. And I mean it. My lover and I travelled the world together. We loved each other just the same in every place we'd go. But then, we agreed to stop moving so much. So, we settled down in New York eight months ago. We bought a lovely apartment with a view on 5th Avenue. I started a career as a screen-writer and novelist too. He had a job at the Stark Tower, right where he knew a few people before moving in N.Y. We lived good and comfortably. Nothing but each other mattered.

 _'Happily ever after'_

I smile as I hear those words on the audiotape I put on play in my car. I must have been 6 years old as I recorded this tape. I was still an innocent child waiting to grow up. I remember I had short brown hair back then, hazel eyes and this mischievous smile unlike any other. I was cute, I guess. Adults use to say "What a lovely child you have, Miss Levy!" "Oh my, she's such a sweet girl!" I was a little shy with kids of my age, but I never shut my mouth down with adults like my parents. I could talk for hours. I danced, sang and jumped everywhere when we had guests.

 _'I want to be a princess, when I am older.'_

I have a weak smile as I hear those words. I believed it could happen. Still, my parents were not rich and hadn't a kingdom on their own. But I don't care. I have found my prince charming. He told me everything about him and I did the same. I know his past. Not a glorious, nor pretty past, but it stays what it is, because I know he changed.

I love him.

He loves me.

 _'I will live happily ever after.'_

Those words on the tape sound again in my car as I pass an orange traffic light. It is the evening and it's raining. I can't see the cars passing on my left. Damn it! It's almost eight o'clock as I drive to my apartment. I mustn't worry my man. I try to clean the windshield with the wipers, but it keeps on raining hard. Oh, my… I feel quite tired of my day and try to keep my attention on the road. But it is unexpected when I can see a car driving right in my direction. I can't turn in any way and the driver keeps getting closer to my car and in a matter of seconds, everything goes black…

 _'Happily ever after'_

I still can hear those words, before the sirens of the ambulance come disturbing the sound of my childish voice on the audiotape. I can only hear cars running and stopping as I can't open my eyes anymore…

Happily

Ever

After

* * *

 **I**

 _Beep Beep Beep._

Sound of the machine. The only thing I can clearly hear for now. It seems like those hears of mine are full of water. Among other sounds, a few nurses try to talk to me and carry me away. I don't know what's happening to me. Everything is black all round. There's nothing I can see now that I am unconscious. There's nothing I can feel. I am afraid…

 _Beep Beep Beep._

I try to remember my day. Now I see the morning I spent with my lover, Adrian Nickolas. I see the scene in my mind again.

" _Good morning, love" he greets me._

 _He pulls me into a sweet kiss, his arms around my waist. We break the kiss and he smiles at me._

" _Good morning, dear Loki" I answer him._

 _He lets go of me and I take my coffee mug. I swallow a few gulps of my drink and I look at the man I call Loki._

" _You coming back at five, as usual?" he asks._

" _No, I'm afraid not" I answer._

" _Why not?" he asks, concerned, before drinking his Earl Grey tea._

" _That film producer, Johnson, has called me for a meeting at 5 o'clock and he wants to come on set of the film." I pause to look at him again. "He wants me to see the project make headway, since I am writing the script for him"_

" _I see" he replies in a smile. "Sounds good. Just call me before you take your way back home, just so I know you're finished there."_

" _Okay, but I'm sorry to say it will be long 'til I come home. So, maybe no time for you to bed me tonight"_

" _So, no cuddling? Alright, Sigyn sugar. But, I'm afraid you've sought the tickling war" he avers in a smirk._

 _I look at him and he comes closer, his hands ready to torture me._

" _Oh no. No! No! No! N-"_

 _He interrupts me by tickling me up and down my stomach, making me have a loud belly laugh. He chuckles at my state, before bursting of laughter, in sync with me. Then, I beg him to stop for God's mercy, as I begin to slowly fall, his hands still on my belly and his lips stuck on my nape. But then, when he lets go off me, I'm lying on my back. He is over me, his head a few inches from mine. He smiles as I realize his hands are just surrounding my chest. I smile at him too._

" _Aren't you supposed to go to Stark Tower in ten minutes, Mr. Nickolas?"_

" _I suppose so Miss Levy"_

" _Yet, you're-"_

" _I guess we'll just smooch now" he interrupts me._

 _I'm not even waiting to feel his soft lips pressing against mine. They are sweet and warmer than usual, so that's making me feel good. We move our warm tongues in sync together, his slight lips and mine, in a delicate reunion. Nothing could make me safer than this._

" _Baby" I say when our mouths quickly part. "Maybe-" I continue when we do once more._

" _Shhh" he whispers before kissing me again._

" _I'm sure-" I try to say again before we break the embrace._

 _His mouth slightly moves to the hollow of my neck and kisses it repeatedly. I appreciate this so much, but I can't stop thinking that Tony Stark is going to call him if he doesn't leave the apartment._

" _Stark is going to call-"_

 _Suddenly, a phone ring is interrupting you. Loki's phone was ringing on the kitchen table._

" _-you" I finish telling him._

 _He looks at me as we chuckle. As he doesn't get up to hang up, I ask him:_

" _Aren't you taking the call? You might peeve him if you don't!"_

 _He smiles and gives a kiss to my nape again, before answering:_

" _Stark can wait. I can't"_

 _So, he leans over me to kiss me again and I don't complain. Those lips' taste is the best I ever had the chance to savor._

Still, this isn't the case at this precise moment. I indeed am not kissing my man. I am at the emergencies. And everything is still black all around.

 _Beep Beep Beep._

The machine is still working and recording my heartbeat. I can say I'm not dead yet, otherwise the machine wouldn't be still beeping. This reassures me. The only thing that concerns me is if I am highly injured or not. Better not. And the other thing that concerns me if my memory. How much do I remember? How much have I forgotten? I don't know. _Try to focus on a moment or a person_ , I tell myself. Easy to say. _Focus_ , I tell myself before a sudden face comes to my mind.

The face of a very beautiful man appears to my mind. I can perfectly see his mesmerizing his mixed arctic blue and light green eyes. As well as his charming smile and his handsome features. And I'm not even talking about his hair! Middle-long raven hair caught in a low back ponytail landing on his shoulders. I have always liked long-haired men. And this one is no exception. Plus, his hair color is beautiful.

But I'm getting away from the original topic. I can say I've seen that man before. I am sure. But it is surprising how I can't have his name yet. All I can think about now is if this beautiful man is MY man. I think so… How did I call him again in my memory? Something like Adrian? Yes I did! Adrian… Nichols? No, it was something else…

"Angel? Angel, please answer me. Please, tell me you hear me! Angel! Angel!"

This voice makes its way through the cloud of blurred noises around me. This is the only voice I can clearly hear now. It's a man's voice for sure. Whose voice? I don't know. I wonder if it's the raven haired man of my memory. Maybe it's my dad. Maybe it's the doctor. The voice stops speaking as someone takes my hand while ordering the man to leave. Strong fingers keep a grip on my wrist. Then, the hand lets go of mine and tells a nurse, I think:

"Take her to the radiography room. We must see if there's much damage to her right leg"

My right leg? Much damage? What does he mean? What happened in my car accident? Am I just so injured? My eyes are still closed. I can't hear my heartbeat, but I believe it hasn't stopped beating a second. I also hope I am not handicapped, it would be terrible! Still unconscious, I let myself go in the deep sleep.

 _(Four hours later)_

Soon enough, I don't know when, I wake up. My eyes slowly open as I discover white walls without a single stain. When my eyelids are fully opened, I look around. I just see white walls, a grey floor, closed door at my right and big windows at my left. There's a piece of furniture in front of me, further than the bed. Everything seems pure and aseptic. Of course it is. I'm in a hospital. As I try to remember what happened in my accident, I notice a shape in the corner next to the big furniture in front of me.

"Darling? You're awake"

I look at the man and realize who that is.

"Daddy"

I feel my eyes filling with tears as he runs to me and holds me tight in his arms. I haven't hugged my dad in a very long time. It feels like centuries and I blame myself. I start to cry on his shoulder and whisper:

"I missed you. I am sorry… I-"

"Don't apologize, my baby. I missed you too"

He lets go of me and wipes the tears away from my cheeks. I smile as he holds my hand.

"Dad, where's mom? Didn't she come?" I ask concerned.

"Of course, she came. She went to talk with the doctor and maybe bought coffee too"

"Oh, thank God! I need coffee so much-"

"Oh no, my dear. No coffee while you're still in that bed!"

"But daaaaad" I moan like a child.

But before I can continue, the door opens and two figures come in the room. My mom and the doctor join us.

"Sigyn, my dear! I missed you" my mom says as she runs to me.

She wraps her arms around my shoulders and I hold onto her. She lets go of me and says:

"Oh my God, you've grown so much!"

"Norah, it's only been seven months we didn't see her" he says, a little complaining about my mom's attitude.

"I know, but it seems like centuries" she answers.

"I've been thinking the same, mommy" I tell her while she sits on the edge of the bed.

The doctor comes closer to me and says:

"I'm glad you're awake already Miss Levy. We've been afraid you'd leave us"

"I'm sorry I worried you so much, then" I say in a cheering voice.

He smiles at me and offers me his hand.

"I'm the doctor Keynes"

I take his hand and shake it softly. I respond to his smile and say:

"It is nice meeting you, doc'. Maybe you have something to tell me?"

"Indeed I have"

He opens a notebook and read a few lines before saying:

"We've made you X-ray radiography three hours ago. It seems like, just as we expected, you have a displaced bone in your right leg, just at the emplacement between your calf and your thigh"

I take the blanket off me and sit on the bed. I look at my leg and see a sort of spline at the emplacement he told me. It doesn't really reassure me to know I've got a bone displaced because of the accident, but at least I'm alive. I take a support on the bed and push to get up. It is difficult, but I manage to stand for twenty seconds before I collapse on the bed. The doctor catches me before I hurt myself.

"Oh, wait a sec'!"

He takes me under my arms and pulls me to sit me on the bed properly.

"Here. That's better, isn't it?"

He lets go of me and lets me get comfortable, in a sort of way. I smile at him weakly.

"Yes it is. Thank you. But I need to take a little walk now"

"Sigyn, maybe you should rest" my mom says.

"I don't think so"

"Your mom is right, Sigyn. You should not get off bed so quickly"

"Thank you for worrying. But what I need most is a walk outside and fresh air in my lungs. I'll sleep later, I promise"

Both my parents look at me worried. I love them, but they worry too much sometimes. I try to get up again, but I give up as the doctor adds:

"There's… something else, I'm afraid"

I sit comfortably and wait for the big news. And they won't sound good, I guess. I look at Dr. Keynes.

"When we made the radiography, we noticed, in addition of that displaced bone, a trouble in your brain"

"How big is it? The trouble?" I ask.

"Not too big, I must say. You will have some difficulties to focus on things, or remember what people are telling you. You can also forget a part of your life. We can't say how much of your life you could forget, but you will certainly. I am sorry Miss Levy"

I swallow his words and try to calm down. I am not sad, but pissed off. What if I forget people I care about? That would be terrible. I don't want it!

"Thank you. For your honesty"

"It is my job. Do you still want to go for a walk in the garden?"

"I will. But later, I need rest" I say solemnly.

"Alright. I'll come to see you later" he says before leaving.

I can't believe it! How much did I forget? How much will I furthermore forget? How will my life be ever the same? At least, I remember the important things. My name is Sigyn Angel Levy. I live in New York. My parents are Norah and Val and they live in Pheonix. I am 22 and I am a novelist and screen-writer. My apartment is on 5th avenue. That's great, but I feel like something's slipping out.

"Dad, tell me. How much time has passed since I arrived at the hospital?"

"Around ten hours, I think. You were in that bed since midnight. Your mom and I were her at 3 a.m."

"What time is it, now?"

"Five"

I think for a minute. Five o'clock? Really? It felt like seconds since I've been carried on that stretcher. Time has passed so quickly. I slept well, I can't complain. But there's a question that hasn't been answered. Who was that man? I still don't know whose voice called me in the corridor when the nurses carried me away. While I make myself comfortable in the white bed, I ask my dad:

"Dad, could you tell me something?"

"Of course, dear. What is it?"

"Who was that man who called my name in the corridor? I couldn't recognize the voice"

"I can't answer. When we arrived, you were in this room already. You should ask the doctor once you see him"

"By the way, your boyfriend was the one who called us when you arrived at the hospital. I've got to thank him otherwise we couldn't come before midday" mom added.

"My boyfriend? What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember? You met him two years ago, at the New Year's celebration on 5th avenue"

"Can't say I do"

If what they say is true, I am so angry and so depressed to know I can't remember someone I love. I damn the minute I passed that orange traffic light.

* * *

 **II**

 _(Loki's POV)_

I take a look at my watch: 3 p.m. I think I can go back there. I've walked for several hours, but never went too far away from the hospital. I wonder how she is… my Sigyn… Is she alright? I wish I could know in the second. As I walk my way back, I recall a moment of the early morning of today.

 _I can see, as I cannot sleep, my beautiful Angel asleep. In the dark of our bedroom, I look at her pretty face. Even in the dark, I haven't seen such a wonder. Her beautiful face asleep makes me smile. Everything in her has made me love her, ever since I met her at New Year's Eve in New York. Now, I watch her slumber in our bed as the morning slowly rises. I gently stroke her chocolate brown hair and smile at the sight of her utter beauty. It's 4 a.m., but it doesn't matter. I smile as she turns and says, in her sleep, words and conversations to herself I can't understand. But I still have the fancy to keep listening to them in silence. There's nothing I am not ready to do for her and there's no doubt I love her. I give her a soft peck on her forehead and leave her to sleep in the bedroom._

I smile as I see this moment again. I walk in my black leather moccasins on the ground still wet from the rain of yesterday. I'm dressed in the outfit I put on for work: black silk trousers, a white skirt with a black tie, a black tuxedo jacket. A black overcoat on the back keeps me warm though I don't need, nor want to. My green scarf around my neck descends upon my bust. As Sigyn might say, I'm dressed in my "penguin suit". I can't say I'm not, I really look like it and she thinks it's ridiculous and stylish at the same time.

I am not really far from the hospital now and I take a look at my Xperia phone. My lock screen is just a beautiful picture of my Sigyn. The day I took this picture, I surprised her while she was cooking. She is smiling on the picture, because I made her laugh, and flour stains her pretty face. One of her fingers covered with melted chocolate made a funny streak on her left cheek. Her brown hair was fixed in a messy bun and a strand of hair fell on her forehead.

I haven't seen her laugh so much since we met. I took this picture three months after we did and she wanted to make a surprise for her mother who came to visit us. She was a wonderful woman, by the way. She likes me, more than her husband does. He is a fine man, but he is always watching over me, worried about his daughter's security. But, apart from that he likes to laugh with me and I like him, a little bit, anyway.

I arrive at the entrance of the hospital and push the door. I stow my phone into my pocket and put my hands in the two of them. I walk through the white corridors and take the elevator to the 3rd floor. When I arrive up there, I continue walking to the chamber n°121. The last time I came in a hospital was last year. I remember it was on December, the 17th. We came, Sigyn and I, to visit my brother. In fact, my half-brother: Thor. Jane was there too. I remember Thor came to spend a few months with Jane before returning to Asgard.

 _I walk slowly as I swallow hard. Those corridors of pure white make me feel strange. I don't even know how he ended in the hospital. Jane was too much in shock to tell me other articulated words than "Thor" "hospital" "chamber n°103" "wants to see you". I understood he needed to see me, but I still hesitated to go. Sigyn pushed me to do it. And of course, she came with me. I haven't been in a hospital before, because I didn't need to. And I don't understand why Thor is in there. As I think about what he could have done, I feel even more worried. I think I care about him now. In my moment of disarray, I feel my lover's hand taking mine. Her fingers entwine mine and I guess I start feeling better. The warmth of her hand calms me down a bit._

" _Are you okay?" she asks me, worried._

 _I swallow quickly and, feeling something like a lump in my throat, I answer:_

" _I'm fine"_

 _I try to smile to show her I do, but it doesn't work. I can't fool her when I don't feel good. She looks at me worried and says:_

" _It's going to be ok. You'll see"_

 _Her words reassure me a little. I smile at her and say:_

" _Okay"_

 _We continue walking and we arrive at Thor's chamber. We push the door and discover Jane sitting near Thor and talking to him._

" _I'm going to get coffee, I'll come back" she says to him._

 _She turns round and when she sees us, she runs to Sigyn._

" _Oh, dear, it's great to see you"_

" _Good to see you too, Jane" answers my lover._

 _Jane doesn't even bother to greet me. I don't complain: I don't like her either._

" _I'm going to get coffee"_

" _I come with you" says Sigyn._

 _She smiles quickly at me before they leave the room. I look at Thor. It seems like his good looks faded as he spent hours, days, here. I want to giggle, but I hold back. I stare at him and he stares at me._

" _What in Odin's name did you do?" I ask him as I walk closer to his bed._

 _He smiles and says, in his deep voice I always knew:_

" _It's good to see you too, Loki. I'm glad you came, brother"_

 _There's a minute of silence between us. I stare at him. He looks tired, according to his dark circles. His beard has been cut off, for the exams as Sigyn said, but I think he did it to surprise Jane. His hair is held back in a low ponytail. He is wearing a light blue medical outfit, as every patient. While I wear black trousers, a dark green t-shirt, a black leather jacket and matching sneakers. My raven hair is combed back, as usual. Even though I'm supposed to hate my brother, which I do often, I respond to his smile. He seems really happy I'm here._

" _What the Hell did you do?" I continue asking him while sitting on his bed._

" _Remember the Odin sleep?"_

" _Yes…"_

 _I don't know what he means. I thought Odin was the only one needing a long magical nap like this. Odin used to take this "nap" to regain energy, because he was old, and because he was weak. Thor is his biological son. Maybe he has it too…_

" _I'm going to have it"_

" _What? Isn't Odin supposed to be the only one needing it?"_

" _I thought that too, brother. But I guess, as his son, I need to do that too"_

" _What happened? Why are you here?"_

" _As I said, I'm going to do the Odin sleep. But as I collapsed last time, Jane woke me up and suggested I came here. She said it will be safe and better for me to be framed by medical Midgardians"_

" _Do you know how long this will last?"_

" _I don't know. I don't know if I'll come back either"_

 _These words are like knives in my heart. I never felt so bad for my brother before. I feel the tears coming in my eyes. Thor does too. I take his hand and squeeze it as he responds to my grip._

" _I want you to be strong, brother" he says._

" _I don't know if I… can…" I say between two tears falling down._

" _I know you can…" he says while starting to cry._

 _I place my forehead against his and cry in sync with him. I never thought I could be that weak in front of him. I still love him as my brother, though he is not. I hear footsteps coming to the room and I recognize Sigyn's and Jane's. I don't care if they see us. We continue our crying a little and I get back. I wipe away the last tears of my eyes and smile at my "brother"._

" _Hope to see you in better state, big oaf" I tell him._

 _He chuckles and smiles at me. I stand up and turn to leave. I don't want to stay here any longer. Sigyn waits for me and whispers something to Jane before taking my hand. We walk together through the corridors again. She hands me my coffee. I smile at her and as she looks at me, she sees I still have traces of my crying. Still, I don't have time to explain, because she approaches her mouth to my cheek and kisses it. Her soft lips give me a little warmth in me. Then, she uses her fingers to wipe the rest of the tears off my cheeks. As she let me hand go to clean my face, she takes my hand back in hers and squeezes it harder. She smiles again and we walk._

" _I'll be here for you, Loki. You must know that" she says._

" _We'll stick together"_

" _Do you promise?" she asks me._

 _I caress her hand with my fingers against hers._

" _I promise so" I oath to her._

I am right about to open the door, when it opens itself. I am surprised, first, as I see Val and Norah, Sigyn's parents, come out. But then, I calm down and take a few steps back to let them leave the room. Norah smiles at me a little. Her husband tries to do the same.

"Adrian" Val says. "I'm glad to see you"

This has been some time no one except my boss called me that. I want to say it's not my name, but I remember I must not tell them the ugly truth about my past. That is possible just with my name: Loki Laufeyson. Here, I have to keep the name Adrian Nickolas.

"I'm glad to see you too" I tell them both.

I take the hand Val offers me and shake it, as usual. Norah keeps smiling at me and I hesitate to shake her hand too. But, before I can choose what to do, she comes to me and wraps her arms around me. I am surprised the minute she does, but I quickly respond to the embrace. I know how she must feel about her daughter. After all, my mother cared about me just the same way. I think I should say something to her.

"I- I'm truly sorry about your daughter. I can't even imagine the shock you must feel"

"I don't think you've had children already, Adrian. You can't know the damage of this kind of accident on a mother. But I know you're shocked deeply too, since you live with her" she says.

"I am" I answer before we break the embrace.

She looks at me with a blank look in her eyes. I can read the sadness in them. She's as sweet as Sigyn is.

"I- Is Sigyn ok?" I ask them.

"I'm afraid she's being examined" Val tells me. "The nurses took her five minutes ago"

"Oh. Then, do you have something to tell me about her state before the doc' does?"

"She has a problem with her right leg, but it can recover" Val reassures me.

I sigh in peace. I'm so relieved she had nothing more.

"Norah, you should tell him" Val tells his wife.

"Tell me what?" I ask.

"Please, do it" Val insists.

She clears her throat and looks at me.

"There is a trouble with her brain"

"What kind of trouble?"

"It is related to her memories. I'm afraid she has already began to lose a part of them"

"What?"

"She doesn't remember you"

The words are like gunshots in my heart. This revelation hits me like a thousand soldiers army. Nothing I could ever imagine was as devastating as this! I open my mouth, in shock, as I take steps back. I want to say something, but no word slips out. The air fills my lungs with fear and panic. As I begin to recall a moment with Sigyn, my Sigyn, I say:

"No… You're lying…"

I'm not believing this! But the look in both their eyes makes me understand it is true. Norah looks at me with sympathy. As I step back, I hit a bench and then sit upon it the next second. As I put my elbows on my legs and hold my head in my hands. My icy cold fingers brush the skin of my forehead. I want to cry, but I must stay strong, at least for now. I can't seem weak in front of people, except from my brother and… Sigyn. I still have images of her coming to my mind as I get used to the idea of her forgetting me… Her pretty eyes sparkle in my mind as I get lost in them again.

As my fingers touch my hair, I feel Val's hand patting my shoulder. Then, I hear him and Norah leave. I am alone now. Alone in this misery and pain that's hassling me.

 _(Five hours later)_

I am still alone. I'm still at the hospital. It is 8 p.m. and I am plaining to leave the place. I've stayed to get my courage to talk to her. But I didn't. I am a coward and I can't, I just can't talk to her when she doesn't remember me… It is so hard to know she goes alright inside while I am slowly breaking and rotting. This pain is just too real. I can't believe it happened. I wonder if she remembers what people say on Adrian Nickolas. Or, to be specific, what they say on my public face and personality. I can't talk to her in this state of heart.

And if I did, then what? She'd try to go along with me? I would love to make her fall in love with me again, but who says it will work? And most of all, I don't want her to know my past. What if she would not take it as well as she did the first time? I don't want her to be burdened with me, the monster, not again… But I have to do something! But what can I do? I can just leave New York, go back to Asgard and never come back. For her good. And for mine. Still, I need to see her face. Just once more in real before I go.

I enter the room and see she is asleep. It's ok. I'll just look at her and leave. But as I walk to her bed, I feel the craving to kiss her growing in me. I can't fight the feeling. I love her. However, I come closer and lean over her in silence. My hair attached back tickles me a little in my nape. She sleeps still. When I approach my lips to hers, I close my eyes slowly. But, as I am about to touch her lip skin, I open my eyes and realize what I am doing. I get back and I feel tears streaming softly on my cheeks, translating the bitterness of my pain.

I step back from the bed and look at her one last time, before I start to run from the room. I run through the white halls and I don't stop for anyone. As I get out of the hospital, I continue running, and I don't care about the rain falling on me. There is nothing that can make me slow down. The raindrops caress my black coat and wet my scarf in the wind. I am crying while I am running. I don't know where I'm going, but I keep on running.

I pass a dozen streets and finally stop at an empty park. Everyone left the small park because of the rain. But here I stand and shout my sorrow. My lungs expires the air and I feel like the life is flowing out of me. When I stop screaming, I raise my hands and let an icy blue gush break out of them. The gush hits a wooden bench and breaks it into pieces. I haven't used magic in a long time. The time I spent without it was wonderful though, but it is good to use it again. I calm down and decide to sit.

My soaked raven hair attached in a ponytail falls against my neck and I feel on my skin the water it holds. My shirt is wet too and my tie is slowly untying. I sit on the ground. I put my arms on my knees, as my legs are bent, almost held against my chest. I stay here under the rain and in the middle of this cursed town. There's no one here to comfort me in the dirt of my sorrow. Among the grey of this life, I am the outcast with no more guide. I've lost everything now and this is how I pretend to go on. I can't say I don't languish, because I'm slowly dying inside as I remind myself of her mesmerizing eyes, her sweet words and her pretty smile. All of this is gone… All of this is no more for me…

* * *

 **III**

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

8 p.m. I get up slowly, remembering what the doc' told me. I keep a grip on the edge of the bed and get on my feet. I look down at the cobalt blue spline still attached to my leg. I need to walk outside a little. The night hasn't fallen yet and I can still stretch my legs, if I may say so, in peace. I haven't noticed yet what I was wearing. I am wearing grey shorts and black ankle socks. My legs are completely nude except for the spline covering a great part of my right leg. The room is not really warm, but I don't even shiver. Those nurses took that ugly blue hospital outfit and my mom gave me my clothes. I'm going to stay here for three weeks, or so.

My red sweater keeps me warm. This is a cute sweater, but I can't remember how I got it. I don't remember anyone offering this to me. Why do I feel like centuries have passed since the last memory I can recall? I must ask someone about this feeling. My mom mentioned a boyfriend. My boyfriend. Still, I can't remember who she is talking about. I haven't had a strong relationship since I was… 16. And that was 6 years ago. But I don't think we are thinking about the same guy. This guy I used to date was called Jordan Keynes. We broke up when I turned 18. This bloody bastard just telephoned me to break up with me! But I think my mom was right, he was indeed a fine young man, but he was a true sod.

I take the grey hooded sweater on the furniture and put it on. I attach my hair back tightly and fold the hood upon my head. I feel like I am 16 again, suddenly. It was a tough time for me back then. I remember my difficulties to go along with other teenagers. That was until I met Jordan. He loved me the way no other guy would have loved me. I loved him too. I didn't know I'd love a boy so much, but I did. Our relationship gave me strength, hope and bliss.

We got along more than fine and I thought it was forever. I guess he thought that too. It ended all up after an arguing at high-school. We both were finished with our day and we got out at 5 p.m. like most of our school days. We walked as he dropped me to my home. But, on our way, we argued about being together and about the ex that keeps on hassling him. He said she was driving him mad and that he didn't want to hurt me. I said I wasn't ok about knowing his ex was still into him. So I said he had to choose between her and me. He just let go of my hand as he dropped me at my home.

I wanted to shout, but instead, I got in my room and strayed here until 9 p.m. I didn't even move for dinner. My parents didn't disturb me, because they knew it was something about Jordan. Then, around 9 p.m. he telephoned me and we talked for five minutes. He said that what we had was special, but not enough for him. As I watched a lot of mushy movies with my mom, I knew it was a petty excuse for leaving a girl. I didn't make the observation. He said that he was still in love with his ex, even if he felt something more for me. I felt the rage through my throat. I answered that he just could go with her if he wanted to, but made him swear not to look for me ever again if he does. He hung out. I had a tantrum for hours then.

This was six years ago. I got over it. But all I can recall is a name: Adrian Nickolas. But I still don't know who that is. Anyway, walking will get me better thinking. I shove my doc martens on and walk to the door. As I open it, I bump into a young woman. She looks my age. I take a moment to figure out who this is. But the pretty face comes easily to my mind: Nanna Jules Peters. I met her four years ago. This girl is my first real friend in this world. No one is like her, and that's for the best. Her smile transcends my soul with happiness and she opens her arms to me. I run into her and we hug tightly, like we always did.

"Oh my God, Sigyn! Long time no see!"

"How long has it been?" I ask.

"It's been about… two weeks I guess" she answers as she lets go of me.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah! Remember, I'm your best friend and you can't stay away from me for too long! I know you too well" she adds in a smile as big as the Earth.

"Then, come with me" I tell her by taking her away from my hospital room.

We walk through the white corridors and we get out. There are plenty of gardens and alleys to walk on through. We take a long walk as the sun slowly sets down. She asks me about the accident, because no one truly told her what happened. I tell her everything I can recall from the accident and she feels sorry for me. It is now almost 9 p.m. and I have to ask her a few things.

"Nanna?"

"What is it?" she asks, worried.

"I need to ask"

I make a pause and she looks at me as we stop our walk.

"What is the date? No one told me and it feels like centuries since the last thing I remember"

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"I remember…"

I close my eyes for seconds to see how far I can remember. As I do, a quite lovely memory comes to me.

 _I am with my four friends on 5_ _th_ _avenue. This is New Year's Eve and we are looking for guys to be our new year's kiss. At least, my girls do, because I am not looking for it. I just want to hang around and wait for the fireworks at midnight. We still have half an hour left. Jules, -Nanna-, hasn't found a guy, unlike Trinity and Ellie. Their full names are Var Trinity Simon and Saga Ellie Gregor. We have been friends for a while. Jules presented them to me. As well as Frigg Ava McAlister, who didn't come with us. She was with her husband. Ava is older than us, but she's just as fine. Trinity and Ellie stay with their new year's kiss and Jules and me are still walking around, avoiding the people bumping into us._

" _We should hurry" she tells me. "If we don't find a guy, we're going to end up alone for the rest of our lives and rot like spinsters"_

 _I laugh at what she says and we just continue walking. Suddenly, a guy grabs her arm and she lets him do. I look back at her and she whispers to me:_

" _I'm sorry, but fate calls for me"_

 _This is her usual phrase when luck crosses her path. I smile and walk by. I am alone for the end of the year, I guess. Then, I bump into someone. This guy is so strong that I fall down. The guy doesn't even notice me and I try to get up on my own. I would have appreciated apologies. Still, a fellow gives me his hand and I take it without even looking up at him. He gets me up and I thank him. His dark middle-length hair is flattened under a grey wool bonnet. His eyes are a mix of arctic blue and light green. His skin is pale, almost like snow that is still falling on this 31_ _st_ _December. He smiles at me and finally says:_

" _Please excuse my brother, he doesn't measure his strength, I'm afraid. I hope you're alright?!"_

" _That's quite alright. I am fine, thanks" I say in a smile._

" _Are you alone?" he asks, his hands resting in the pockets of his black coat._

" _Oh, no. No, I'm not. My friends are just somewhere in the crowd with their new year's kiss. This is a tradition of ours. Sadly, I won't be part of this tradition this year"_

" _A pretty girl such as you hasn't found someone yet? You got to be kidding me!" he says in a giggle._

" _Don't mock!" I add in a chuckle. "You didn't either!"_

" _You're right" he answers, smiling._

 _I don't know who he is, but I don't feel the urge to ask. I just enjoy this moment of conversation with a handsome strange until midnight comes. When the time comes, there's the first firework in the sky and I see everyone is already kissing their new year's kiss. I try to enjoy it, though I don't have anyone to kiss. Still, when I turn to my stranger, he comes closer to me and gives me a kiss as sweet as candy floss. I enjoy the taste of this moment. In the end, I still get my new year's kiss. And this is a Hell of a good time! My stranger lets go of me when one of the biggest fireworks burst in the sky. He smiles and says:_

" _Finally, you've had a new year's kiss. And so did I"_

 _I smile too._

" _Yes we both did. I guess I can now know your name?!"_

" _As a gentleman, I must ask yours first" he says in a chuckle._

 _He lets a short distance between us and I feel good. This IS a gentleman. I had to get the finest man in the world just tonight!_

" _Sigyn Angel Levy"_

 _He takes my hand and does the hand kissing to me before answering._

" _Adrian Nickolas"_

" _This isn't your true name" I say joking._

" _Maybe, but… I can tell you my real name if you accord me a date on this fine New Year to come"_

 _His words are like silk. I can't help but smile. If I accord him a date, maybe I can have a real relationship again… I decide._

" _I accord it to you, Mr. Nickolas" I say in a full smile to which he responds the same way._

 _Several inches from me, I hear a voice call my name. "Sigyn! Sigyn!"_

"Sigyn!" Nanna calls me back to reality.

I jump a little in surprise. She seems relieved I still am alright. I am. I was maybe daydreaming, or remembering, or both.

"Yes" I answer.

"Are you alright? It seems like you've been in another galaxy for a few seconds"

"Maybe I was" I joke.

"So, what is the last thing you remember?"

"New Year's Eve"

"This one? We didn't celebrate it together"

"Then, when was the last New Year's Eve we spent together? With Var and Saga?"

"Uh… Two years ago. I am sure" she answers after hesitating.

What was I doing the last New Year's Eves? I mutter to myself. She adds:

"The last two New Year's Eves you spent were with your boyfriend"

"Be more specific!" I almost shout to her.

"What more can I say?" she asks, a little irritated by what I just said.

"You could tell me, for once and unlike every one, who the heck is my boyfriend"

She is surprised by my question. I expected that. We started to walk again and the rain starts to fall again. I am waiting for an answer. She takes her time to answer my question.

"I know, as you told me, that his real name is Loki"

"Loki? Loki Laufeyson? Are you kidding me?" I ask irritated.

"I am not joking. Sigyn, wait…" she almost shouts back at me.

"Don't be absurd. You're going to tell me I am dating a myth! A Norse God in extra!" I say calmly, then, shout at her.

"Don't go off the deep end" she tries to calm me down. "Don't you trust me anymore?"

"You ask me to believe I am dating a Norse God. This is beyond my capacities for now"

"I am not asking you to believe you're dating a Norse God. I ask you to trust me about the fact that you told me his real name was Loki. I didn't say he was a God"

I swallow hard. I know she's right. I've studied Norse mythology in university. I took it as an option. I never knew my best friend would harass me with a myth by telling me he is my boyfriend. Maybe she's mad, or she's lying. Or, in the strangest and impossible way, she is telling the truth. But if she is, then, who the Hell is Adrian Nickolas?

"Okay" I breathe out. "Forgive me, I… I didn't control myself"

"That's quite alright. I can't blame you that you can't believe such a thing. Especially since this car accident you had"

"Yeah. I guess it's the reason"

"I'm sorry, but I got to go. See you soon, my precious" she tells me in a mischievous smile.

"Just tell me one more thing"

"Yes?"

I swallow my saliva and assemble my courage to ask this tricky question that hasn't left my brain.

"Do you know anything about some Adrian Nickolas? Ever heard of him?"

She thinks for a second and answers:

"I don't. I'm sorry. Maybe I heard of him, but never met him. I don't know anything about this guy, Sigyn"

"Alright" I say, disappointed. "See you soon, Nanna!"

She smiles and walks away. I stay for a few more minutes under the rain. I like the feeling I get when I walk out in the rain. It's like I'm a child again. I used to jump in the puddles with my dirty Converse. I walk my way back to my hospital room in utter silence. The only sound pleasurable coming to my ear is the sound of the rain rippling upon the puddles. The silence is unusual, but it is the loveliest sound I've ever heard.

* * *

 **IV**

 _(Thor's POV)_

10 p.m. I am cooking with Jane peacefully. Led Zeppelin's music resounds in our brand new apartment. This feels like bliss to me. No one comes to disturb us. But then, when Jane is about to shovel our cake, I hear the bell at our door. I go to open. When I open the door wide, I see a man standing there. He is as tall as me and he seems soaked to the bones. As I notice his shape in the dark of the corridor outside the door, I don't recognize the man at first. But, as I look closer, I see piercing arctic blue eyes staring at me and middle-length hair. I notice that he is wearing a suit and tie, just like the one my brother was wearing when he came to Midgard once. As I see those details, I know who it is.

"Loki?" I call the man.

Jane hears me and comes to see who is standing out the door. I look at my brother. He looks terrible as she steps into the light.

"Loki!" I say again as I wrap my arms around him.

He hesitates, but responds to the hug nonetheless. I am so happy to see him again! No matter all the things he's done in the past.

 _(Loki's POV)_

I wait for Thor to end his hugging. I am not used to this kind of things. I got used, but that was with Sigyn. He lets go of me and I can breathe again. I look into his eyes and I see he starts to cry.

"Yes, it's me, brother" I tell him.

I notice Jane is here too. She doesn't look quite overjoyed to see me. I don't expect her to. She comes to Thor and me and just says to me:

"You…"

"It's always a pleasure, Jane" I say sarcastically.

"Brother, I am so happy to see you. Come in, please!" Thor says with joy in his voice.

I walk into the apartment and take off my coat. Thor takes it and hangs it to the peg. He invites me to sit at the table and I accept. But when Jane asks me, politely, if I want a drink, I refuse.

"What are you doing here, Loki" she asks.

"I wanted to talk with my brother"

"What is it? Something happened?"

I swallow as he asks. I recall all the images I have of this accident. I have flashes of my Sigyn lying on this stretcher. I see her face sleep as I want to say goodbye and I remind the words of Norah. I want to cry. But as I hold back, I feel a scratch in my throat.

"Sigyn is…"

"She's what?" asks Jane.

"She's at the hospital"

Jane places her hand on her mouth, shocked. Thor does the same as I add:

"She had a car accident and she has just a displaced bone in her right leg"

"When-" says Thor.

"Just last night"

They both seem shocked that this happened and they didn't even know. Still, I don't want to tell them that she doesn't remember me. I don't want Thor to feel sorry for my huge loss.

"Brother, I-" Thor starts. "I am terribly sorry"

"There's one more thing, however" I say anyway.

They both stay silent, waiting for me to tell them. I swallow hard and take my courage to face the truth.

"She has a little trouble with her brain, which means she forgot a part of her life, and she might continue forgetting, but we can't know if she will. And she doesn't… remember me"

I look at my brother and feel the tears coming to my eyes. Thor looks at me with pity. Jane seems more shocked than ever, but I guess she might think "That is better for her. She forgot that bastard and I'm happy for her". As I suspected, Thor asks this stupid question:

"She doesn't remember you… at all?"

"She doesn't" I answer before starting to cry in front of them.

I hold my head in my hands. My elbows rest against my knees as I'm sitting on this chair and I feel the tears flowing on my palms. I try to calm down and swallow my tears back. I look back at Thor and he doesn't know what to say.

"Two years of love. Forgotten. All forgotten" I say in a disturbed voice.

"Loki, don't-" Jane tells me.

"I'll have that drink now" I interrupt her between two shorts breaths in.

She seeks for a glass bottle she sets on the table. She takes three glasses and pours the chestnut colored liquor. She hands me a glass and I swallow it all in one gulp. She pours the liquor in Thor's glass and hers. I breathe in and out peacefully as the liquor flows throughout my body. It feels like trails of a small fire burning within me. I like the feeling. But it doesn't help forgetting my pain.

"More whiskey?" asks Jane.

I nod and she pours it up for me. I drink another glass of that "whiskey" and enjoy the taste once more, feeling all the flavor of this delightful alcohol. I watch Thor and Jane drink their glass too. I put mine on the table and say:

"I might return to Asgard"

Thor looks up to me and seems surprised.

"Brother, the last time you were in Asgard-"

"I was imprisoned. I know, Thor" I finish his sentence.

"They might not let you in" he adds.

"Why not?" asks Jane. "He didn't do anything evil since he came back here. I don't see why they wouldn't take him"

"For causing mischief, mayhem, murdering innocent people and wanting to take over the world" I answer her.

"Right" she breathes out.

There an awkward silence between us now and I don't know what to say. Finally, my brother breaks the silence.

"I'm going back in two weeks in Asgard. If you come with me, you might have a chance to be accepted. They will take my word when I'll say you made your redemption"

"Thank you"

He smiles at me and I feel a little better. But there's still one problem. Sigyn doesn't remember me. Or, to be more specific, she doesn't remember Loki. She might have hints about Adrian Nickolas, but she doesn't know ME anymore. This hurts me. This transcends me through my body and my soul as I know I can't help her memory to recovery. Remembering what we had is almost like a torture, because my love for her shouldn't be vain as it is now. I shouldn't be left alone when I know our love was everything to us both.

"But, Loki, why don't you try to make her remember you?" asks Jane.

"If I tried, what would it lead to?"

"Well… Maybe it would work and you'll be happy together again!"

"It is not that simple…" I answer nostalgically.

"It is that simple, brother" adds Thor.

"It is not" I almost shout.

I take deep breaths before I explain:

"Once, when we were still together, she asked me to tell her about me. I tried not to talk about my past, but she insisted. So I told her everything. She understood me and she said she'd never leave me because of my past. I was relieved and I knew she was the one"

I pause to breathe again. They are waiting for me to continue my explanation.

"As our relationship lasted, nothing tore us apart. Still, I was afraid she'd be facing the monster inside of me and she'd leave me. She reassured me about it. I was sure nothing could make her change her mind, until that accident…"

I pause again to swallow my saliva and the tears in my eyes.

"When I learnt that she didn't remember me at all, I was devastated. I was so broken at that moment that I started to wonder if I'd ever recover… I thought about telling her who I was. But then, I knew that the truth is that she might not accept my past now that she lost a part of herself. I'm afraid she'd not take me again. I don't want her to suffer because of me. So, I decided to let her be and have a life on her own. Without me…"

As I finish, Jane looks so sorry for me. She wants to say something, but she doesn't. Thor looks sorry too. Finally, Jane tells me:

"I understand your state. But letting her in the ignorance won't do her any good. In many movies I've seen, the hero always finds out a way to make the love of his life remember him"

"This isn't a movie, Jane" I say, "This is reality. And you can't understand how I feel. Telling her about everything would hurt her more than letting her in ignorance. I am protecting her"

The silence occurs again. Jane gets up and tidies the room up a little. Thor gets up too and prepares the sofa to let me sleep. No one says a word. Thor leaves the room with Jane and I lay on the sofa.

 _(Three hours later)_

I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about her. Sigyn. She's always here in my mind. She's always been in my heart and soul ever since we got together. And now she invades every thought I have. When a loved one forgets about you, remembering is the worst thing for you. I know about it. As I try to sleep several times, I recall a memory of my dearest Sigyn.

 _As I put a record on this old record-player, I start to hum the music. I turn to see my lover raising an eyebrow at me. I smile and she smiles too._

" _Dare to dance, Miss Levy?" I ask as I give her my hand._

 _She doesn't answer, because I already pull her into a dance. I put my hands on her waist and we start dancing to the rhythm of this lovely music. She puts her arms around my neck and our foreheads bump against each other's. We remain silent for a while and I hold her tight. I make her rotate with me through the living room and we both laugh as I start to guide her into a more joyful dance. I make her spin round and we have real fun. Once I pull her to me again, our lips reunite and we kiss as the record keeps spinning around on the record-player. The music rocks us through the sweet kiss. This pretty moment is precious and I don't want to let it go._

As I recall this moment, I have a sudden bump in my heart that irritates me. Whenever I remind her face, her laugh, her smile, I get bad and sick. Nothing hurts more than a love left to die. And the torture has already begun…

* * *

 **V**

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

I can't sleep. No matter how hard I try, all my efforts go to waste. My eyes barely close for seconds and I feel something like a hole inside of me. It's like there's a lack of I don't know what in me. With something so strange happening to me, it's not surprising I don't manage to rest. But I want to. I sit on my bed, under the white blanket of the hospital, and I lean back against the wall. I don't know what exactly keeps me so lively in the middle of the night. I look at the alarm clock on the furniture opposite my bed: 1 a.m. I breathe in heavily.

While I tried to sleep long, I've had a short dream in which I was dancing with a man. Unsurprisingly, it is the same man I saw in my coma and a few of my visions. The same middle-long raven hair, the same arctic blue eyes. The smiles I see are always different, but I guess people smile differently in some situations. Still, I cannot see why I keep seeing this man and not knowing who that is yet.

I can tell the details of my "dream": the record player, the music that was playing and the place where I was. As I try to reunite the pieces of dreams I've had recently and the information I earned, it seems a little clearer. My supposed boyfriend is named Adrian Nickolas and I met in on New Year's Eve two years ago. His "real" name would be Loki, but I have trouble believing that. My parents met him and he called them when I was taken here. The face of my "boyfriend" is crystal clear to me now and I noticed a hint of a British accent in his voice.

The cloth of my red sweater caresses my skin and makes me feel a little warmer, though I am not cold. It surprises me how I can't even know who bought this sweater to me. Maybe my boyfriend, because I remember that I didn't buy it myself… The hood set on the top of my head, my long brown hair falls in front of my face and covers my eyes. The gentle curls tickle on my cheeks and make me pull them away instantaneously. I seriously need to consider cutting them a bit. I turn and notice my phone is on the small table near the bed. I take it in my hand. The picture I have as a lock screen is a man facing the sea, his hair in the wind.

 _The smell of the sea fills up my nose with happiness. I've never been to Spain before. I am here for ten days with Loki. He planned the whole trip and I am surprised by the wonderful hotel where we sleep. At this minute, we are at the beach. The sand is pale beige and the water is translucent. Sky's a light blue, like very delightful days in New York. Spain is a very beautiful country and I enjoy every minute I spend here. I am wearing a white dress striped blue and matching sandals. My lover is wearing a white shirt, black jeans and black sneakers. His dark hair is untightened and left free in the air. I stand two meters behind him and I take my phone to photograph him. The picture looks good. I put my phone back in my purse. I slowly and quietly walk to him and tickle his ribs as I jump on him._

" _What are you doing?" he asks while he bursts of laughter._

 _I don't respond and tickle him even harder. He makes me let go and I drop my sandals and my purse on the sand. He looks at me with mischievous eyes and a wide smile. I know he is going to chase me. I start to run as I laugh. He takes his shoes off and runs off to me. He chases me on the beach, for a mile maybe. There are no many people here, so we are serene. Suddenly, I hear him shout:_

" _I'm going to catch you, Angel!"_

 _I try to run faster, but it's no use, because he comes very closer to me and catches me by the waist._

" _Gotcha" he shouts._

 _Then, as he holds me, we both fall down in laughter. Our backs meet the sand and none of us stops laughing for a while. I turn my head to face him and he smiles._

" _Adrian, my love" I start, breathless. "Are you happy?" I ask._

 _He breathes as hard as me. We ran too much and too fast, I guess._

" _I am, my sweet Angel" he answers softly._

 _I smile big at his words and he grips my hand in his. The warm sand tickles my skin as we lie down here. If I call him Adrian, it's because we are travelling and it's safer for him. He is used to call me Angel, even if he likes to call me Sigyn, as well as I do it with Loki. We stay here, listening to the sound of the water waving, as the sun strokes our skins softly. My toes meet the grains of sand and I feel so good. Loki and I fall asleep on the beach slowly as the sun keeps shining over our bodies._

2 a.m. I come back to reality as my phone is ringing. Who the Hell is calling at 2 a.m.? I look at the screen and see an avatar of the man of my visions. I jump a little in surprise. I try to calm down at the third ring and slide to answer the call.

"Yes?" I ask my interlocutor.

No answer. Maybe someone called a wrong number. I look at the screen again and expect the person to say something. I listen closely and when I realize no one responds, I insist:

"Hello?"

There's no answer. I don't want to stay here waiting forever, so I hang up the phone. The person who called was taped as "My good man". I won't go far with it. Still, I have the avatar of the telephone contact and loads of pictures. I start to seek for those pictures…

 _(Loki's POV)_

2 a.m. I dial Sigyn's number on my phone. I wait for her to unhook with apprehension. I don't even know why I decided to call her. Maybe I need to hear her voice again before I leave… Anyway, she finally unhooks her cellphone and I can hear her pretty voice say:

"Yes?"

She always says that on the phone. I want to answer her. I want to tell her it is me, her boyfriend, the one she loves. I want to tell her I'm fine and that I'm going to help her recover. I am craving to, but I don't. No word slips from my mouth and I don't realize it until she insists:

"Hello?"

I jump in surprise and realize it was not a good idea to call her if I am too cowardly to try to talk to her. I breathe deeply as the silence sets between us again. She ends up hanging up, and I sigh in despair. I look at my screen again. I don't even smile at the pretty picture of our first kiss. It was on New Year's Eve two years ago. I met her on 5th avenue for the first time and it was her friend, Nanna, who took the picture. She sent it to me after three months we've been together. I still can remember what the message said:

" _Adrian, I am so glad you and my friend Angel got along so well in so little time. I see how happy she is to be with you. She is really in love. I can see you are too and this is why I send you this picture. I took it the day you two first met. I kept it secret and now that it's official, I thought you'd want to have it. All my wishes of happiness, Nanna"_

The picture is very pretty and I always smile when I look at it. But now, I can't smile, because the pain takes over and I can't stop it from gnawing me inside. I love her more than anything, beyond eternity, and I still don't understand why I can't take the first step to try making her remember me. The coward inside of me settles in my mind, and I'm afraid of what might happen if it reaches my heart. I'm already falling apart. I'm not far from parting into pieces, but hope it won't have me dead. I want to feel loved again…

I have lost a mother. I don't want to lose the love of my life. But now I'm slowly losing her… It's been a day since her accident, but I already know this feeling of sorrow and grief. I already miss her terribly. I miss her shiny smile, her cute laugh and her beautiful hazel eyes. I want to feel the touch of her hand in mine. I want to taste her soft lips. I want to hold her tight in my arms and make her feel safe. I want to feel the love, apparent and brightly alive, between her and me. Our story was supposed to last as long as our lives. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Not now.

I place my hands on my hair and touch my hair with my fingers. I tense my hands and pull my raven hair as I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. No pain has ever been that hard for me since the death of my mother… I know that I could wish I was dead instead of facing this horrible ache…

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

I have found many pictures of the man I see in my visions. I still wonder if I see my own memories, or products of my imagination. On many pictures, I pose with him and I think he really is my boyfriend. When I decide to read some texts, I just see normal texts any couple would write to one another. I put my phone on the table and lay back in bed. I pull the blanket on my head and try to fall asleep, though it is 4 a.m. already.

 _I dream of a wonderful place, a place beyond imagination. There's a huge palace of gold standing in the middle of the view I have of the land. The sky is blue and light as I never knew one brighter. Small rivers flow around the palace gracefully, like Mother Nature has planned it to beautify the majesty of the palace. The gates of the royal palace are made of gold and adorned with beautiful ornaments like thin boughs. In the gardens grow the most beautiful flowers never seen before. As I make my way into the palace, I see golden corridors, all the same, and all leading to the large throne room._

 _I make my way through those corridors and look down to the floor as I walk. I notice the floor is made of marble and matches the walls perfectly. The whole palace is very clean and nothing seems to disturb the harmony of the decorations and architecture. I pass tall brown doors to enter the throne room. I walk in silently, though I see no one in there. The doors close behind me. I continue walking, this time, on red carpets that are very long and make the way to the throne. They are perfectly set. When I look up to the throne, I notice the walls are not gold, but close enough. The throne, as I walk closer, seems made of silver and gold mixed together, due to the color. A few stairs forerun the throne and I take them one by one cautiously._

 _As I come closer to the silver throne, I feel my adrenaline run wild. A feeling of power, freedom and intense desire for dominion flows throughout my body. I slightly touch the armrests of this enormous chair and feel shivering on my skin. I turn and guardedly sit on the silver chair. The strange feeling comes back to me, only stronger and colder. The lust of war and ruling takes over my soul and, before even thinking about it, a scepter of silver and emerald appears in my right hand. I comfortably sit while keeping a tight grip on the scepter. I feel more than good in here. Still, as I look at my hands, I notice they seem quite different from usually. And so are my clothes! I don't have to touch my hair to know it's not the same. My body is completely changed. What is going on?_

I open my eyes slowly as I wake up from this uncanny dream. I look at my hands and see they're not changed. I sigh, relieved, and remain peaceful for a minute. I start thinking this is a kind of dream I've never had before. Still, it seemed like more than a dream. It could be a memory if I was not so different in it. What the Hell was I doing on a throne? What was that place? Why was I sitting there? I have loads of questions in my head. If it is a memory, it can't be one of mine. I've never been to this sort of land.

I've read a lot of fantasy books with strange and wondrous places. I've imagined how they would be in reality and wished they were true, like anyone would. But it stays so weird… The oddest thing in this dream was this feeling. It was the feeling I had when I approached the throne and sit upon it. I couldn't settle myself down. Inside of me, I felt something uncontrollable, but so delicious. I wonder what the feeling meant and why I felt it. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm lost…

* * *

 **VI**

 _(Loki's POV)_

6 a.m. I left Thor and Jane's apartment five minutes ago. I didn't tell them. I'm going back to my apartment; mine and Sigyn's. I am going there by foot and it is only one mile away. I need to stay there for the weeks before my trip back to Asgard. I will be leaving before Sigyn gets out of hospital. I don't want her to see me… There would be nothing harder than our looks crossing and me knowing she doesn't remember me. Somehow, I know she'd have abnegation and oblivion in the look of her eyes. I am walking, trying to leave my pain behind.

As I arrive at the building I've lived in for about eight months, I feel my heart bang inside of me. Still, I don't know if it's fear or apprehension. Even if I had great moments in this apartment, I keep on thinking about the grieving event that strikes my mind with pain over the happy memories. I didn't know a more bitter feeling. I open the downstairs door and ascend the three floors that lead me to the apartment. When I finally get in front of my door, I take my keys and open slowly.

I walk in after closing the door behind me. I leave my coat and my keys in the entrance and I go to the bedroom. I haven't slept a lot last night. And truth is: I couldn't help myself to think about her. I push the door of the bedroom we both used to share. I see the large bed with the white sheets and pillows, the desk, the tall windows and the big wardrobe. I come closer to the bed and lay down on it. I crease the sheets slightly and rest my head on my pillow. I face Sigyn's side of the bed and try not to cry again. I remember the last time together here…

 _I am still awake and it's almost 4 in the morning. The warm atmosphere of our bedroom caresses my cold skin. My body is almost naked under the thin blanket. Still, I have put my pants on. I don't even sweat and I can't feel the warmth of the room. I shouldn't move, I risk waking Sigyn up. I am sitting on the bed, bending over a little. The blanket covers my legs and my waist, but leaves my chest nude and chilly. My black hair is messy as Hell and descends down my nape. It's tickling my skin a bit and a few strands of hair falls on my face. It's all curly now, but it doesn't matter._

 _I look at my left. Sigyn is in deep sleep. She is lying flat on her stomach, the thin white blanket covering her naked low body. Her arms are bent to hold the pillow underneath her head. Her back is nude and uncovered. The curves and lines of her body are perfectly enhanced by her soft pale beige skin. Her skin, unlike me, is warm. She doesn't bother to feel mine that is icy cold against hers. I've seen every inch of her graceful body. I've seen the parts of her she doesn't show anyone but me. Every little piece of her is delightful and luscious…_

 _I watch her sleeping peacefully and I smile. Then, I lay back in bed. I slip lightly to her, trying to stay silent. Once I am close enough, I have my face across from her back shoulder. I catch the blanket and tear up to mover her back. I move her slowly to make her back collide with my chest. Afterward, I cover her breast with the white blanket as I hold her against me. My nose is tickled by her beautiful brown hair while my lips brush the skin of her shoulder. I slightly kiss it. My arms are wrapped around her, under her ample bosom, holding her along with the blanket. It makes me smile. I keep my face against her hair and finally close my eyes. This feeling has completely taken over me…_

Nothing I could imagine would have been this hard to handle. Her absence makes me feel so small and so weak. Why'd she have to be struck down this way by the Gods? What is the reason of this turn of fate? I still can't believe it was just two days ago when I was still with her in that cozy bed of ours. I can't believe it's already gone… I don't want to believe it was the last time I felt the warmth of her skin against the cold of mine. I don't want it to be the end of us. The memories are good, indeed, but most of them can be hurtful and mournful.

Suddenly, I remind myself about something. I seek for an object in my trousers' pocket. When, I find it, I am relieved. It's a wedding ring. I bought it just the day she had the accident. I was about to make my proposal the evening, when she'd be coming back from the film-set. I couldn't. I'll never have a chance to do it. I feel so sick about that. I look at it. It is silver and white gold with tiny pieces of diamonds on the top of it. It cost me so much. But it would have been worth the prize I paid. Nothing could have been too expensive if it was for her.

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

 _(Three hours later)_

9 a.m. I haven't slept since this strange dream that woke me up around 6 a.m. I don't know what it was supposed to mean. I couldn't recognize the place I've dreamt about. It was really beautiful, but nothing was more interesting and uncanny that this feeling. The feeling I felt when I sit upon the silver throne was something I haven't experienced before. I don't even know what it actually is. I can't find the answers on my own. I have to talk to someone about it. Doctor Keynes? If I could, I'd have to wait until he comes to visit me.

I look at my right. My phone is still on the table next to the bed. I take it and notice I've received four messages, from Nanna, Saga, Var and Frigg. As other people call them: Jules, Ellie, Trinity and Ava. I open Frigg's message first:

" _Hey, hun'! I've been worried about you. Nanna told me what happened to you recently. I want to visit you, but I can't come sooner than next week. I hope you're doing fine"_

Then, I open Var's:

" _Hi there! What the Hell did you do? Wanted to copy the NASCAR run on New York roads? X) All my wishes for recovery"_

Then, it's Saga's turn:

" _Hey! I can't believe what happened. I hope you're getting better. I wish you a quick recovery"_

Finally, best for last, I open Nanna's text:

" _Hey! I've made researches about that Adrian Nickolas. I haven't found many things, but I know that he works at Stark Tower with the Avengers. He is thirty-three years old. No picture of him, sadly. Hope it helps (a little) ;) I'm coming to see you soon again"_

I smile at her text. There's nothing much about this guy I want to know about, but it helps a little to complete my puzzle. Start Tower… I can recall something. I remember walking by this huge building in Manhattan. Still, I've never been inside. It was S.H.I.E.L.D.'s property. I never needed to go there. And I will never need to. However, it is a little strange that there's no picture of him on the web. What kind of people doesn't have pictures of themselves? I suddenly hear the door opening and footsteps getting closer.

"Good morning, Miss Levy!"

It's Keynes. I sigh in peace.

"Good morning, doc'" I answer.

"How are you feeling?" he asks while sitting in the chair opposite the bed.

"Quite good. But I have a question for you"

"What is it?"

I sigh and breathe in deeply.

"I had a strange dream last night. It was a place I've never been to, but a very beautiful one. That's not the point, however. The point is, when I sit upon a throne, I felt…"

I pause to think about what I want to say. He frowns, waiting for me to continue.

"I don't know. I felt like some kind of greed, lust for war… And… power. I felt really powerful. I felt more than happy when I was sitting there. It was like I wasn't myself…"

I look at the doc. He looks deeply thinking.

"Do you know what that dream could mean?" I ask.

"I don't. I'm sorry"

I sigh in despair. I hoped he could help me.

"I wish I could help you" he continues.

I nod slowly to him. Then, he puts his hand on my arm and suddenly, I have a flash, something like a memory, as I look into his eyes blue like the sea.

 _Jordan brings me to his home, for once. He opens the door for me and I walk inside his house. I don't have time to admire the house that a chubby woman in a blue jeans and white t-shirt comes to me. She looks nice with her middle-long blond hair and green eyes. She smiles at me while she says:_

" _You must be Angel, right?"_

 _I smile too and answer:_

" _That's right"_

 _She takes my hand in hers and welcomes me to her home. She says she's Jordan's mother. I follow her as she guides me through the house. When we're about to come into the living room, a young boy runs to me while shouting:_

" _Angel!"_

 _I think Jordan has talked about me and this boy was excited to see me for the first time. He jumps in my arms and I hold him tight as I try to lift him up. I manage to and tell him:_

" _You… You must be Cody"_

" _Yes" he says laughing._

 _He has to be 5 five years old. I smile at him while I walk into the living room._

" _Cody is a bit too rollicking sometimes. He's my little half-brother" Jordan tells me._

" _He's cute" I answer him._

 _Then, a tall brown haired boy walks in my direction. He looks a little older than me. His eyes are a beautiful blue like the sea. He tells me while taking Cody in his arms._

" _I hope Cody hasn't overwhelmed you with his excitement. He didn't bother you, did he?"_

" _No, not at all. I'm Angel, by the way"_

" _I'm Spencer" he says, giving me his hand._

 _I shake his hand with mine and smile. He adds:_

" _I'm Jordan's big brother. Welcome to the Keynes family"_

I come back to reality as the doctor calls my name: "Angel!"

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

I stay silent as I look at him. I realize I know him better than just like a doc'. In fact, it's Spencer. It's my ex's brother. I met him years ago when I first went with Jordan to their home. I'm sure he knew it was me when he made me the radiography.

"Yeah, I'm alright"

"What were you thinking?" he asks, concerned.

"I was thinking… it's been quite some time we've not seen each other, Spencer"

He smiles. It seems like I am right. I'm happy it is really him.

"Yes, you're right. It's been a very long time. Seems like… 6 years"

"6 years…" I nod. "So, how old are you now? I've never known your age the first time I met you"

"I'm 24 years old. I was 18 back when we met"

I smile again as he answers me. Then, I think about his little half-brother, Cody.

"So… how is Cody doing? How old is he now?" I ask. He smiles.

"He's 11. He is doing fine. Actually, he wants to visit you"

"But, when?"

He wants to answer, but as the door opens and reveals a pre-teen boy and a blond woman, I understand.

"Now…"

* * *

 **VII**

I smile as Cody runs to my bed. He is not smiling as much, but I don't care. He is here.

"Angel!" he says while sitting on my bed.

"How are you, Cody?" I ask.

"Fine. Are you coming out of the hospital soon?"

"In two weeks or so"

"That's long" he says before pouting.

I smile at his reaction and I say hello to his mother. She hugs her eldest son, Spencer and then comes to me.

"We've been worried about you since Spencer told us about the accident"

"He told you?" I ask, surprised.

"Yes, I did" he answers. "But that doesn't matter. What you should worry about is your recovery, Angel. I'm your doc', so I know what I say when you need rest"

"Yeah, I know, Spencer"

There's a quick minute of silence before Cody breaks it.

"Is that serious business what you have?"

"Just a broken leg and a few bruises"

Cody nods with a smile, happy that I'm not so much injured. His mother smiles too. She hands me a box of chocolate and says:

"Please, take it. Cody knew they were your favorites"

"They are, right?" he asks.

Suddenly, I have a flash.

 _I am sitting at the table of the Keynes. I am here for dinner. The dinner is exquisite. Then, two hours later, Jordan and I are ready to leave the house so he can drop me to my home. Before we pass the door, Cody runs to me and hands me a box of chocolate. Those are pralines, my favorites. I smile and thank him. He smiles and gives me a friendly hug before we leave._

This flash was 3 seconds fast. I can't believe it. I look at the box and realize it looks like the one he gave me in that flash. I smile and say:

"Yes, they are"

Cody gives me a big hug and I wrap my arms around him. I peck a kiss on his cheek and he and his mother leave my room. But Spencer doesn't and says:

"I don't understand. Why didn't you tell them about this brain trouble? The memory thing"

"It didn't matter"

"It didn't matter" he repeats. "And why is that?"

"I don't see how it could concern them" I answer. "What use is there for me to tell them I lost all memories about a boyfriend I am supposed to have and they know nothing about to help me? And it would be useless to tell them I don't ever want to see Jordan, because they don't even know how he left me or why. I honestly don't see the point, doc'"

He stays speechless for a few seconds. He knows I'm right. I sigh and he says:

"How did my brother leave you?"

I look at him and I feel this past rage I had when it really happened. I don't want to shout at him, so I swallow hard.

"He left me because of another that he loved. And he telephoned me to pronounce our breakup. I can't forgive him. I hate him now. But thanks to him, I've moved on"

He seems quite shocked. I expected it.

"I thought it was you who left him" he tells me.

I am now shocked myself.

"Why in the world would I ever want to do that?"

 _(The following week)_

I wake up and it's 5 p.m. I slept quite well and I feel good. Frigg is going to visit me today. She told me she would come around 5. So now I am waiting for her to come. When I'm about to get up, someone knocks at the door.

"Come in!" I shout.

The door opens and Frigg comes in. She looks good with her light brown curls attached in a bun. She is older than me, but it honestly doesn't matter. She's a good and loyal friend.

"Good morning, Sigyn" she says in a smile.

I respond to her smile.

"I'm glad you came, Frigg" I tell her while she sits on the edge on the bed.

"Nanna told me things about your state. But I wonder how this happened. What did you do?"

Another flash comes to me.

 _I kick off my car and start to drive on the way back home. Suddenly, the rain starts falling and I curse "Damn it" as I try to see the road. Then, I see what happened before everything went black: a hard pouring rain, the road almost invisible, a car drives in my direction, the sound of the tape still rolling, my last breath and the huge crash before the blackout…_

"I left the film set. With my car, but it started raining. Very hard. Then, a car came into mine and it just left a big crash before the blackout. There's nothing else I remember"

"That seems pretty intense. Don't you remember your day?"

"No. I don't"

I pause and the silence settles down between us. I sigh. Then, I think about this strange dream of last week. I haven't dreamt something alike since then, but I keep reminding it to myself. Maybe she can help me.

"Frigg… Could you"

"Yes?"

"I've had a strange dream some time ago. It couldn't be something I lived. I would know it. But, I don't know… It felt real and genuine almost like a memory. But it's not one of mine. And I had this feeling of greed, power and lust for war and domination when I sit on a silver throne. And I…"

"Oh! Wait a minute! A silver throne?" she asks, concerned and surprised.

"Y-Yes"

"You dreamed about Asgard, Sigyn!"

I don't understand. I dreamed about this land of gods. I know some things about it, but I don't believe it exists. It feels so weird and impossible…

"Have you ever been there?" she asks, agape.

I frown and feel so confused. I she telling it is a real place?

"Excuse me… Asgard… is real?"

 _(Loki's POV)_

 _(4 hours later)_

I dial Thor's phone number on my Xperia. I wait for a few seconds before hearing his deep voice say:

"Yes?"

"Thor? It's me"

"Loki? What is going on?" he asks, concerned.

"I am sorry, but I have to leave Midgard sooner"

"Are you being serious?"

"I am, Thor"

"What made you change your mind?"

I sigh as I look back at the wedding ring between my two fingers. I quickly close my eyes and sigh again before answering:

"I love her. And I have to protect her from the truth"

"What part of the truth?"

"Me. It would only hurt her to remember anything about my past"

"As you wish, brother. When do we leave?"

"Tonight" I answer before hanging up.

He knows where to meet me. I just have to pack a few things and be ready to leave. As I put the wedding ring in my pocket, I feel like I am doing the right thing. Still, this feeling of regret tickles me inside. I can't fight this bitterness. It's too strong.

* * *

 **VIII**

I leave the apartment very quickly. I walk to the spot where I am meeting Thor: in front of the Whitney Museum of American Art. I walk for thirty minutes and arrive there. Thor is already there waiting for me. I meet him and thank him for doing this for me.

"I can't believe you're thanking me, brother. It's so unlike you" he says after he shouts for Heimdall to open the gate.

"I've changed, Thor" I tell him.

We travel in a matter of seconds before we arrive in Asgard. Heimdall welcomes us –more like welcoming Thor- and frowns as he sees me.

"My lord, you didn't tell me you were bringing this coward here again"

"Have care of how you speak, Heimdall. Loki is no coward and he is my brother, he deserves a chance. Let me speak to the All-father"

"Right, my lord"

Thor winks at me and leaves me with Heimdall. He is going to talk with Odin to have him accept me in Asgard.

 _(Thor's POV)_

I arrive at the throne room and greet my father.

"My son! I'm happy to see you again. Tell me what brings you here"

"Father, I am here to ask you to let someone enter Asgard again"

"Don't tell me it's-"

"Yes it is" I interrupt him, knowing what he means.

"Why would I?"

"Loki has changed, father"

"I would be glad to see proofs of what you claim"

"Ask Heimdall, father. He's seen Loki living on Midgard. He could tell you how much he has changed"

Odin sighs and seems thinking deeply.

"I assume you want him to regain his chambers?"

"Exactly"

After a few minutes of talk, he finally agrees. I thank him and go back to pick Loki up.

 _(Loki's POV)_

I see Thor walking in my direction. He tells me to follow him, which I do. We walk through a dozen of corridors and I guess he is leading me to my chambers. I don't know how he convinced Odin, but I'm forever in debt to him. He stops in front of my door and is about to leave. I stop him:

"Thor"

He turns as I call him.

"Aren't you staying on Asgard?"

"No, I'm not. Jane's waiting for me to return tonight. I will come back. Goodbye, brother"

"Farewell. Give Jane my best wishes"

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

I fall asleep quite quickly after Frigg leaves the room. I don't know why I'm feeling so tired. But, as I expected, another dream comes to me.

 _I feel good, though I feel a little weird, like this body wasn't mine. I am standing before a huge door. I open it cautiously, like I am afraid of it falling. As I push the door, I see chambers all golden and silver. "Chambers worthy of a monarch" I think. I step inside and look around. Long pieces of furniture of silver surround the large bed in the middle of the room, still leaving enough space in between. The blankets on it are golden. I smile as I have the sight of this beautiful bedroom. It feels like home. I walk to the bed and suddenly stop. I turn round and, with a twist of the hand, manage to close the doors from quite a distance. I wonder how I do it, but it is great. I step to a chair, avoiding the edges of the bed, and sit on it. It's a very cozy chair! I make myself comfortable and, as I move my right hand slightly, flames of cobalt blue appear in the palm of my hand. I don't seem surprised, still it is strange how I can use "magic". Then, when the flames stop dancing, a book appears in my hand. "Hamlet" It is one of my favorites. I open it and flip some pages to start reading. I begin to read the first line, but…_

I wake up. What kind of dream is this? It's been quite some time I haven't dreamt anything similar. It looks real, just like the first one. And there's magic involved again. Why am I dreaming this? Why do I feel so different in those dreams? If this place is Asgard, how can I even dream about it so well? How can I see it so plausibly? So many questions unanswered. So many questions no one can help me answer. A lot of gaps I can't fill. So strange feelings I cannot understand…

 _(Loki's POV)_

 _(The next minute)_

Sitting in the chair next to my bed. My chambers seem smaller than before though I know it hasn't changed. I try to think about something else, for once. I try to read a book, but nothing I can flip would change my mood. I just keep on reminding myself of all the things I've done and all the places I've been with Sigyn. My sweet angel loves to travel. I love it too, because I've seen so beautiful things across Midgard. So many memories, sweet as my favorite dainty, come back to me, even when I don't choose to.

 _A hot summer day. We are in Florida. Just the two of us. The sun shines bright the warmest that it can. I am lying down on the sand, waiting for Sigyn to return from her swimming in the sea. The beach towel under my cold body is dry and I don't feel the heat so much. I smile as I stay here, eyes closed, under the sun. My hair is attached in a low ponytail. I am wearing a white t-shirt and black leather trousers. My bare feet caress the grains of sand that tickle my skin. My arms are bent under my head so I can rest on it. My pale skin doesn't even tan with the sunbeams._

" _Loki, honey" a voice wakes me from my small nap._

 _I open my eyes slowly. A beautiful vision comes to me: my Sigyn standing in front of me, all wet in her two-piece swimsuit. Her skin is a little tanned by the sun, her long brown hair soaked by brine and falling down her shoulders. From where I lay, I see her pretty longs legs and a flashy grin on her lips. I smile back at her and say:_

" _Yes, my angel?" I ask softly, still smiling._

" _I thought you were going for a dip with me" she answers while sitting next to me._

" _I'm not very fond of swimming, darling"_

 _She smiles as she bends her legs and surrounds them with her arms. I sit next to her and detach my middle-long black hair. I look at her while she lies down on the beach towel and covers her upper body with her own thin blue shawl. Her legs are still bent and the shawl covers her breast and shoulders perfectly. Her feet stretch out in the sand gracefully. I wrap my arms around my bent legs as I keep looking at her. She smiles happily._

" _But I wanted this trip to make us both happy and joyful in everything we'd do. Aren't you happy to be here?"_

" _I am. I'd be happy everywhere you'd be, my love"_

 _She smiles, but she looks a little worried too._

" _What if I am not with you anymore?" she asks._

 _I frown and I lie down next to her, facing her._

" _What do you mean? You aren't leaving me, are you?"_

" _I'm not saying I'm leaving you. I'm saying if something tore us apart, what'd you do?"_

" _Nothing would tear us apart, my love. I promise. I'll never let anything come between us"_

 _With that, I pull her closer to me and I kiss her under the warmest sun we've ever known._

Apparently, I was wrong. I broke my promise. Something came between us and I couldn't prevent it. The promise I vowed to her was evanescent. And I can't change it. I can't do anything…

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

 _(2 hours later)_

I sigh deeply as I rest my back against the wall. My pillow set at my low back, I take the blanket off my legs. I am wearing shorts and red socks, as well as a baggy grey sweater. Soon enough, I am too hot dressed this way and I take my sweater off. I only have my bra on as I take it off and I feel suddenly cooler. I look at my phone: 11 p.m.

I can't sleep anymore. I don't know what to do now that I am awake. But, as I unlock my phone, I feel like talking to someone. And I know exactly who I can text so late at night: Saga. I type a quick message on my phone and send it to my friend. Then, I wait for the answer for two minutes before getting this text:

"Hi hun'! No, I'm not sleeping yet x) How 'ya doing? Feeling better after a week in there?"

"I'm feeling fine and real better than a week ago. The ache is completely gone, but I need to stay here one more week x)"

"That's great! :) It's been a long time since we talked so late at night"

I smile at her text. It's been four months, actually. We talk mainly on day, but we like to talk nightly too, but this habit is a bit lost.

"Yeah, so long… How is you fiancé doing? :)"

"He's doing fine and we can't wait for the wedding x)"

"I understand. You lucky! X)"

"I know x) By the way, it is set next month, so I hope you're coming!"

I think for a second, before I answer:

"Of course I am! :) You can count on me!"

I put my phone on the table next to me and let myself fall back in bed. I guess I can go back to sleep for a while now… And I dream…

 _A pouring rain wakes me up at 2 a.m. I breathe in deeply as I realize what time it is. I look at my right and see Loki still asleep. I smile and fall back on the bed. I turn to face him and watch him sleep as I listen to his snoring, trying not to laugh. Then, I see he opens his eyes and smiles, weakly, because of his sleepy state._

" _Darling? What exactly do you think you're doing?" he asks, joking._

" _Nothing" I smirk._

 _He chuckles and grabs my waist as he pulls me closer to him._

" _It's too early for you to awaken, my love. Sleep next to me just a little more…" he begs._

" _If you said forever, I'd still agree" I say before he falls asleep again._

 _I smile and think to myself that I am lucky to be with him. I feel really happy…_

* * *

 **IX**

 _(Loki's POV)_

I can't sleep. It's almost 3 a.m. and I can't even close my eyes for a minute. I am so used to Midgardian sheets that I can't get use to the Asgardian ones again. It's like they are smothering me. There's too much silk and too much layers of sheets. I can't stand them anymore. I am used to thin covers Sigyn and I used to overlay ourselves when it the weather was hot. I am also used to those "thick" blankets we had on winter nights. Midgardian covers satisfied me somehow, even though I don't need a cover due to my icy body. Still, I love the touch of the fabric on my skin and it feels so soft.

But then, I think of her. I can clearly remember our cozy and serene laziness, just the two of us, in those soft sheets. I can remind her sweet smile with her gaze meeting mine. I can almost sense the touch of her hand on my pale skin. Some days she had those cute little curls in her hair and when she lied next to me, they fell on her face so perfectly. I can't even know if she can remember this as well as me, now that she has forgotten everything about us.

Though my eyes are wide open, I almost dream. I remember. The ache is strong and I find my heart weak. I turn round in the large bed and I so wish she was with me. The bed is way too big for one. I finally stay in place, on the left side of my body. I look at my wrist and notice I still have this bracelet. I look at it through the dark of the room. I can see every little detail perfectly. It is a "Brazilian bracelet" as she called it. She did it herself with three colors: red, black and white. The pattern is made of zigzags. It wouldn't be the kind of jewel I'd wear so often, but I'm attached to it anyway.

Soon enough, I feel the weight of the blankets bothering me and I get up. I cover myself with a sort of dressing gown before I leave the room. I silently walk through the golden corridors of the palace and I find myself leading to the place where Heimdallr stands. I decide to go there and ask him for a favor I just thought of. I walk to him in a solemn silence, but he notices my presence.

"What are you up to, Loki?" he asks.

I sigh as I stop next to him. I lay my eyes down to the space. I try to see what he sees, but it's not as easy as anyone would think. Heimdallr only has to power to see through the realms. I lift my head up and say:

"I need to ask you something, Gatekeeper"

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

I wake up from this small sleep around 3 a.m. These times, I can't manage to sleep fully. I wake up with a strange feeling. It's like someone is watching me. I stay in bed and I almost hear voices say:

" _Is she alright?"_

" _I would say so"_

I don't know if I'm going mad, but I swear I do hear voices. They are not so clear to my ear, but though they are low as distant whispers, I hear them.

" _What is she doing?"_

I can now say there are two voices. Both seem to be male. I try to listen, but nothing comes. Maybe it's an illusion. Maybe I'm just imagining this. I get up and watch the night sky once I am close to the window. I can't tell what feeling this is, but it's getting stronger. I feel it in my heart and I wonder why I feel like that. I place my hand on the window as a few stars shine in the dark sky. The distant voices don't come to me now, but I want to hear them again.

 _(Loki's POV)_

"What is she doing?" I ask Heimdallr.

He doesn't respond. I wait in silence while my heart beats fast. This is the first time I ask for his help. And this will be the only time. But now it's worth, because I get to know if my dear Sigyn is alright. Heimdallr seems concentrated. He finally opens his mouth and says:

"She is looking up"

"But she can't see us"

"No she can't. And that's better"

I sigh and think he is right. If she sees us, this would panic her. Who would want to see two men -Asgardian- in a night sky, watching their every move? She'd think she is mad. I smile as I realize I got my answer. I can't see her, but I trust, in a matter of speaking, the Gatekeeper. I thank him and he looks at me with a surprised look. He seems shocked of my words, though he must have seen me down there in Midgard acting kindly. And he still must think it's unlike me. He might be right, though Sigyn would think otherwise. I walk away from Heimdallr and lead back to my chambers.

When I finally get into bed again, I close my eyes and dream…

 _I walk in the streets, my hand in Sigyn's. I can feel my muscles go numb. I've been drinking a little too much maybe. Sigyn is drunk too. We had quite a good time. Stark had hosted a party in the Stark Tower and Thor invited us. We walk together in the streets and it starts raining. I'm standing under a "roof" that protects me. Sigyn walks ahead and stops suddenly. Then, she starts turning in circles in the rain. I slightly giggle at her attitude and say:_

" _Darling… What are you doing?"_

 _She stops her turning and answers me:_

" _Enjoying the rain"_

 _She comes closer, still turning in small circles and takes my hand._

" _Join me, Loki"_

 _She is way drunker than me. She laughs as I come with her, and I respond to the laughing. We start dancing in the rain, making circles and singing songs very badly. We laugh a lot and we slowly head back home…_

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

 _(5 hours later)_

I wake up. I'm glad to see I've slept well for a little while. It's 8 a.m. and I look at the window. The feeling I had last night disappeared, apparently. I stretch my muscles a little and notice a message on my cellphone:

"Hey! I got engaged!"

It is from Nanna. My eyes open wide as I read the message. I answer:

"But…. Who? When? How?"

The answer comes faster than I expected.

"His name is Liam. I met him two years ago, at the New Year's Eve on Fifth Avenue, if you can recall. It happened just this morning :D"

"It's been two years and you notice me NOW?"

"I know… I know… I'm ashamed x)"

"Don't worry, dear. Just be sure to introduce this guy to me ;)"

"I won't forget ;)"

I smile at the last text message. Nanna can be such a cutie sometimes. But now, I let myself fall into the hospital bed again. I sigh. I can remember last night's dream. I was drunk and I danced in the streets with my lover. It's a little weird when I think about it, but I guess the party was cool.

Someone knocks at the door. Then, I see Spencer coming in. He smiles at me when he says:

"Good morning, Angel"

"Good morning, Spencer"

"How are you feeling?" he asks once he sits on a chair.

"Good"

"That's great, because I have good news"

I stay silent and wait for his news.

"Your leg seems to recover quite fast. I can let you go home sooner"

I smile and say:

"Sooner? But when?"

"Today, if you want to"

I thank him and get up suddenly. I start to pick up my things and put them in a bag my mom brought the first day I spent here. I look down at my knee: there's still that blue spline. I get dressed quickly and leave the room around 8:30.

* * *

 **X**

 _(An hour later)_

I let myself fall in the sofa of the living room. It's been a while since I made myself comfortable here. I close my eyes for a few seconds and finally fall asleep…

 _I am sitting under a window. I am holding a book in both my hands and the light of the sun that illuminates through the window brighten the beige pages. The paper is kind of thick and rasping, just like other very old books. I have a heap of five others at my side. I lay my eyes down on the words and see it's written in an ancient Icelandic. Though I shouldn't know a word in this language, I read it as easily as it would be my mother language. I stroke the rough page with my forefinger before I turn it. The book is about wizardry. I normally know nothing about these things, but still it seems I understand the formulas and spells. It feels like I am able to execute them in the next minute. I continue reading and I understand every word. But then, I hear a distant noise. It is repetitive and irritable as it keeps on ringing. Then..._

I wake up.

 _(Loki's POV)_

I close the book of spells as a woman voice calls my name:

"Loki"

Her pretty voice rings once more and I look up to see Thor's fine wife standing before me. She is wearing a long light blue dress that matches her silky raven hair perfectly. She is beautiful and I am quite trying to smother a laugh. The irony is, I cut Sif's shiny golden blonde hair some time ago and, instead, long and silky raven hair grew. I apologized before, but I just wish she is not here to argue with me about it.

"May I just know what you are doing here?"

I get on my feet to be at her height and, as I'm lifting up, say:

"I am wiling away the time by reading, my fair lady"

She notices the trace of sarcasm in my response and insists:

"Please, do not tell me it's my husband who led you back in Asgard?"

I meet her pretty brown eyes and I smirk as I answer her:

"Then, you might be surprised of how friendly your spouse is to me"

I bend down to take the books and leave the library. Still, as I step ahead to leave, she grips my right arm and stands before me. I sigh and wait for another question.

"Loki, please do tell. Why does Thor just do comings and goings and never stays definitely?"

I don't answer. But before I manage to say something, she continues:

"Has he found a fine Midgardian woman to replace me?"

I shut my mouth and swallow my saliva. I must not hurt her with this rough truth that Thor is in love with Jane. Though Lady Sif is not dangerous, I am afraid of her possible revenge on me, no matter what I say. I have to choose the right words.

"I must not interfere in your relationship with Thor. I have no saying for any of you two. Besides, if he has something to confess, I shouldn't be the one telling"

She lets go of my arm. I guess she understands I am right. I move forward and don't look back at her. As I get out of the library, I sigh peacefully. I've slipped the worst! Thor owes me.

 _(Sigyn's POV)_

I get up in shock as I understand someone is ringing at my door. I get off the cozy sofa and walk to open the door to my visitor. It's my mother.

"Angel, my baby!" she calls me.

I smile at her and let her in. She grins and I finally notice the packet she is holding in her arms.

"I've brought you chocolate cake. I've backed some, because John and William came to visit your father and me, yesterday" she says as I close the door after her.

"John? John who?"

"You know, John Peters"

"Not quite…"

"Isn't Ellie engaged with him?"

"Oh, yes! I see who that is!"

"There" she says as she puts the cake the kitchen table.

I take her coat and she sits on a chair of the kitchen. I hang her coat and suggest her coffee. She accepts.

"So, John visited us with his son, William"

"I didn't know he had a son" I say, surprised.

"Ellie apparently is close with him. And that reassures John"

"That's great"

I give her the cup of coffee and she thanks me. I sit in front of her. We look at each other, smiling. Still, I know I want to ask her about crazy things. Such as:

"Mom? Do you think we can dream about places we've never been to?"

"Of course, darling"

I'm surprised.

"We all dream of things we've never experienced or places we've never visited. It's kind of usual"

"No, I mean… dream about it like… like you could feel the touch of the things you hold, like you could almost smell the scents and see every little detail"

"I'm afraid I can't answer, but I think we could. Have you ever dreamt this way before?"

"No" I lie.

Silence sets between us two. Then, mom apologizes for disturbing and kisses me goodbye before she leaves the apartment.

 _(Loki's POV)_

I leave my chambers after I put the books on my desk. I wander through the golden corridors I know too well. The palace is calm and peaceful, just like it always is. I can almost hear the creaking of my clothes. Then, I notice a feminine shape coming in my direction. The lady's hair is a flaming red, getting down her shoulders. I don't recognize her at first, but as she comes closer, I realize who that is: Frigg. Odin's wife. Finally, she is right before me and she says:

"Loki! I didn't expect to see you here. But as I think about it-"

"Wherever else could I go?" I ask before I do her the hand-kissing.

She smiles weakly.

"Is there something wrong, my lady?"

"You know I have befriended your Sigyn"

I swallow hard at her words. "Your Sigyn" she said. It hurts my heart so much, because she can't be mine anymore.

"And then, I have to say she knows about this place"

"Yes, of course she does. She studied "Mythology" as she calls it and she knows so much about us, if you only knew…" I say, almost carried away by joy as I speak of my lover.

"That's not what I meant" she cuts me.

"I meant that she knows this place is real. And you know, like me, that she has forgotten everything you told her" she continues.

"So, normally she shouldn't be sure Asgard is real, because Midgardians do not believe so. But how does she-"

"She dreamt about this place"

I gasp in shock. Sigyn dreamt about Asgard… What impact could that have?

"Do you… do you think she would search for this place, now that she knows?"

She thinks for a minute and silence fills the distance between us two.

"No, I don't think so. She will be too occupied filling up the blanks and living her life"

I sigh, relieved. Still, it seems that Frigg is thinking about something.

"What I still don't understand is: why did you run away?"

I sigh deeply and try to get myself together. I have to explain everything now.

"I didn't run away. At least, not the way you might think"

"Then, why did you come back to Asgard? And how?"

"I asked Thor for this favor. He convinced your husband to let me in again. I did it because I had to protect Sigyn"

"Protect her… From what?"

I stare at her in the eyes. I keep my look inside her blue irises and say:

"From me. From my past"

I turn round to walk in the opposite way. Frigg follows me and walks by my side.

"So you're afraid she wouldn't take you back if she learns who you are, all over again?"

"I'm not afraid"

I stop and look at her again.

"I'm terrified. This monster is not easy to face. And I've been rejected so many times…"

"I believe those days are behind you, Loki. I mean… I've seen how happy you could make Sigyn and how happy she could make you"

She grips my arm and stops, facing me.

"I have no doubt she'd understand. And maybe, she could fall in love again"

"You… you really think so?" I ask, not believing her yet. "What do you think?"

"Hmm… You're not my type and I'm married, but… there's a chance I could like you" she says, adding a smirk on her face at the last sentence.

"Just joking about that point" she reassures me.

I chuckle with her.

"No, seriously. I think you should give it a try"

I take deep breaths. Then, I sigh and answer her:

"Maybe… Maybe you're right. But now is not the right time"

"Then, when will it be?"

She already knows my answer. I sigh and give her a ghost of a smile. She responds to my smile and says before leaving to find Odin:

"After all, maybe you haven't changed…"


End file.
